How to wear a Diesel watch

 

Wearing a Diesel watch is much more complicated than just putting on a Diesel watch. For starters, you need to be as cool as possible, otherwise people will not be able to take their eyes off the watch. If Michael Cera, Jesse Eisenberg, or some other manifestation of nerd put on a Diesel watch, you actually wouldn’t be able to see them. Similarly, it’s difficult to notice a Hawaiian shirt on a big, fat party animal; when a software engineer wears one, however, it’s the only thing you can see.


Another important aspect of wearing a Diesel watch is that you need to talk about going clubbing at least every 15 minutes. If you don’t, then people won’t feel like you have any integrity, or they’ll at least get a feeling that something isn’t quite right about you. We’ve all had that feeling of being around a salesman with an agenda who’s trying to make it seem like he doesn’t have an agenda, well people will get that same feeling if you don’t break every conversational lull with a, “so there were half-priced mojitos at Tech Bar last night.”
Most importantly, when wearing a Diesel watch, you need to be a social person without actually being an engaging person. You can do this by treating people like they were nothing more than an audience that pays money to hear loud drawls. Also, if you like everybody you meet is an audience member, you’ll be more likely to tell bad jokes, which always go well with a Diesel watch. And of course, you’ll get Diesel bonus points for laughing at your “jokes” before your “audience;” if nothing else, it will keep you insulated from all the eye rolling.